


Where: A Story of Finding Where You Belong

by MysticRose2388



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Romance, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentor Severus Snape, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Severus Snape Adopts Harry Potter, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticRose2388/pseuds/MysticRose2388
Summary: Beginning at the end of fifth year, after the DOM incident. Harry is depressed and is thinking of taking the ultimate escape. Seemingly betrayed by all those around him, he plans to take measures into his own hands. Will there be anyone to save him from himself? Mentor!Snape Hurt!Harry SomewhatEvil!Manipulative!Dumbledore, oh and major Ron/Hermione Bashing!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or affiliations with said title.

**~Where~**

_**A Story Of Finding Where You Belong** _

_**~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~** _

 

_**Chapter One** _

 

_**"Sirius!"** _

It was with a shout that Harry awoke, again, from a nightmare. He didn't look around his dorm this time as he made himself remember that he had put up a silencing charm around his four poster bed. Although his friends had told him not to worry about waking them after a nightmare, he couldn't let that keep happening, lest he make them angry, as he was sure they already were.

It had already been at least a week since his godfather had died. He had been having the same nightmare continuously since the events of the Department of Mysteries. Well almost the same. They had started as it happened, with Bellatrix Lestrange cursing Sirius, and thus Sirius falling through the Veil. Now, however, they had changed and now continued the same; instead of Bellatrix cursing Sirius and falling through the Veil, it was in fact he who pushed Sirius through the Veil. Harry knew that that was not how it happened but since the guilt he felt since then, he felt like it was what had happened. 

Dumbledore had told him that it was not his fault, that Sirius was his own man and made his own decisions. Harry tried to take comfort from that, but a few minutes later, he just felt the same guilt settle over him like a well worn blanket. He bitterly took comfort in the guilt, knowing that he was to blame and that even though others said differently, they thought the same. Ron and Hermione had been good to him, but he always saw the looks of shame on their faces when they thought he was not looking. It was like, even though they were his friends and wanted to be there for him, they blamed him.

Harry felt like everything was always his fault. At least the bad things that happened to him and those around him that he cared about. Just because he was the damn Boy-Who-Lived. First his parents, then Cedric, then of course the attack on Mr. Weasley. Then now, the worst of all of them, Sirius.

Harry continued to stare at his curtains with blank eyes. He didn't like waking up at all ends of the night, but he felt it was the least he could do. To atone for murdering his godfather. He could go with sleepless night for a long while. He sat there for a few minutes trying to reign in his breathing. After his breathing was normal again, he crawled over to the side of his bed and peeked out of the curtains to see his bedside table, looking at the clock he saw that it was only 3:30 AM. Harry groaned silently, then swung his legs around and over the edge to dangle on the side of his bed, and stood up.

The sudden dizziness that occurred did not even hinder him, he just simply stood, waited for the dizziness to pass. After it had, Harry went to his wardrobe, pulled out his bed robe. He wrapped himself in it and tied the sash around him. He then went to his school trunk and fished out the Marauders' Map and the invisibility cloak. He took a glance over at all his friends' beds and sighed when he saw that he had not awoken any of them. Knowing that he was not discovered, he made his way to the dorm bathroom on the far side of the large room. He gently opened the door, slipped inside and then closed it just as gently. As soon as he heard the soft click of the door settle, did he breathe easier. He automatically went towards one of the sink mirror to asses what he had to work with.

He knew that the school would be letting out for the summer in two days time, so he wanted to make sure that nobody knew how troubled he was. What a complete wreck he was. Oh he k new people were worried about him, thus the reason to cover up any appearance that would say  _'Hey! I am totally **screwed**_ _up here! Help me! I need help!"_ He made it over to the sink and before he looked up, he took a deep breath. He kept his focus on his breathing to make sure that it would remain calm. After a few minutes of retaining a calm mind he looked up to the mirror.

The sight that greeted him was not in any way recognizable. The imaged presented did not look good nor happy. He actually gasped at what he saw. It was the first time in close to five days that he had actually had the courage to look at his own reflection. He had deep, dark circles under his eyes; his cheek bones were sharp and sunken, making them and his chin quite noticeable. His neck was as slender as a twig. (okay, maybe that is exaggerating a little, but you get what i mean.)

_'I knew that I wasn't eating a lot,'_ harry thought to himself.  _'But I didn't think I was actually this bad off! It looks like I am starving myself! Damn! I look like a freaking pole!'_ Harry didn't realize that he had not rally eaten a smidgen of what a bird would eat for a little snack. The teenager just didn't have much of a appetite.  _'No wonder...this explains why I have been dizzy all the time!'_ He thought to back to himself wryly. It almost made him laugh. He would have if he didn't know that if people ever saw him this way, he would be in serious trouble! But at this moment in time, Harry just couldn't bring himself to care.

He continued to stare at himself for a couple more minutes. After a little bit, he closed his eyes, and gave a big forlorn sigh. He had to put the glamours back up before he snuck out, in case he was caught by anyone. Teacher or fellow student. He didn't want to even risk getting caught tonight.

He had a plan to carry out tonight. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He was just unsure on  _if_ he could pull it off. He wanted to see his mother and father and Sirius again. No he didn't  _want_ to kill himself, not at all; but he knew he  _needed_ to. He had thought about it a few times in the last couple of days, and a lot more throughout his life, but he knew he had to fight. He was the 'Chosen One' after all. It was up to the Famous Boy-Who-Lived Potter to defeat the greatest Dark Lord ever!

When Dumbledore had told him the prophecy, he took it in stride.  _'Nothing different then what I have done four times already!'_ He had thought bitterly. He couldn't believe that Dumbledore expected him, a 15 year old boy to defeat a well over 50 year old dark wizard who had more experience and  had killed his parents. No, not defeat. Kill. Dumbledore and the whole big world was depending on a boy to kill. 

Harry just shuddered at the memory of what Dumbledore had told him. He had always thought of Dumbledore like a Grandfather and that Dumbledore had cared for him. Apparently he was mistaken. Dumbledore had been using him. All this time, he was using him as a pawn! Harry growled silent at the thought. Everyone always just used him. Dumbledore used him as a pawn, Ron for his fame, Hermione used him to make herself feel superior, Snape used him to vent his hatred for his father on. Aunt Petunia used him as a house-elf, Duddly; a punching bag. And then his uncle Vernon...he cut off all thoughts on that thought. No use feeling any more shame. He was not going there right now. Long story short, though, people just used him.

Harry stopped his thinking there, not wanting to dwell on anything other than the task he needed to accomplish. He didn't want to keep feeling, if all he was to feel was unhappiness, hate, guilt, and despair. He wanted to be happy for once, and tonight, he was going to find it. So he gathered all his focus and concentrated it into visioning what he need to look like, then massaging his magic to complete the appearance of his glamour. It took a lot longer for him to complete then it would a  _healthy_ young wizard to do. When he felt the magic settle across his skin, he looked in the mirror again. This time, he smiled at the now familiar and more recognizable face. He looked like any normal teenage boy.

He spared another second to study himself, then abruptly closed his eye, turned away from his reflection, gathered his cloak, and swung it around his shoulders. He pulled out his wand from his sock, holding it, he whispered, ' _LUMOS,'_. He then took out his map, said the words to activate it, and opened it up to see who all was still awake at this ungodly hour. When he saw that only a few ghosts were present, and not a single teacher or student moving, he smiled again. He stalked towards the bathroom door, and just as gently and silently as before slipped through it. This time instead of heading back towards his bed in which he came, he made for the door that led to the common room downstairs.

It took Harry a few minutes to make it to the common room, and to the Fat Lady's portrait that guarded his house's tower. He again glanced at his map, still seeing no one moving, he held his breath and pushed the portrait open.  
~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

_**A/N: Hey all my lovelies! This is my first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think? I already have the next couple of chapters ready to post. I am waiting to see the response I get from this and then I will post. is it good? Is it bad? Could use some work? Let me know please!? RxR!** _


	2. Chapter Two

_**A/N: Here is the second chapter! Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think! ~Jane~** _

 

**Chapter Two**

**~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~**

Harry silently descended the many stairs that led from the Gryffindor tower. He stopped shortly to look back at the Lion's Den. He knew he would never see it again, so he gave it one more loving glance. After all, despite all the pain over the years, it was his home. His only home. He sighed resignedly before continuing on his way.

After many stops to catch his breath and to check the map for any obstacles, he finally made his way to the second floor corridor. He only had a little more ways to, and he was starting to feel fleeting emotions that he has not felt in quite a while. Apprehension, excitement and longing. Other assortments of emotions came as well, but those he was used to feeling lately: despair, self-loathing and anger.

He continued down the corridor until he came to his planned destination. He stepped in the girls bathroom that has held several memories and secrets. One being that this was  the bathroom that he and his 'friends' had used to brew the polyjuice potion in second year. It also came with a secret all its own that had nothing to do with him in the beginning of its own existence. it held the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. Salazar's Chamber. 

He went up to the sink that he knew would be his way into opening the chamber. He continued forward till he was a few feet away from the porcelain sink. He took a breath, concentrating again and whispered " _Open!"_ It was parsletongue and immediately the sinks and foundations began to shift and groan. What seemed like a few minutes later, Harry stood above the small opening above the tunnel that led to the cavernous chambers below.

At this point, Harry smiled. He was happy despite the seriousness of his actions because he was almost to the home stretch so to speak. He knew after he took this leap, he would be literally home free. Home to his parents, to his godfather, and away from this place, this world, and his worthless and painful life. Despite himself, he let out a small giggle before closing his eyes and jumping...

~~~HP~~~

Severus Snape was in a curious mood. Curious was being a little under-classified, considered he had no clue as to what was going on in his mind and spirit. His instincts were running wild and crazy for reasons unknown to him. He had a feel that something was terrible wrong tonight. Or, it is that something was going to happen. He just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

He had been lying in his bed, trying to sleep. It was a rare night off for him from the endless night patrols that he did around the castle. He shifted in his bed to try and find a more comfortable position to allow himself to fall to the sweet oblivion of sleep. However, on matter which way he stretched, curled or turned, sleep continued to allude him. 

Finally, after a while of this continued restlessness, he gave up. He swung his legs over the edge of his bed and stood up quickly. He made his way out of his room down the hall, keeping his wand aloft to light the candles and torches to light his way to his study. When he entered his study, he immediately went to his desk and sat down. Steepeling his fingers underneath his chin, and began racking his brain for an answer or precedence for the churning, foreboding feelings he was currently having. He couldn't exactly pinpoint where these feelings came from.

After a little bit, he sighed, glanced up and snapped his fingers, calling, "Hosey!" Not a second later, a small house elf appeared.

Hosey looked liked any other house elf except for a few things. She was periwinkle blue with tufts of pink bobbed hair. She was definitely to be considered a free elf. She gave a long look at Snape before bowing politely and asking, "What would Master Snape being needing, sir?" 

Snape looked at her for a second before responding. "Hosey, I told you, you do not need to bow to me or call me  _that_! I am _not_ your master!" He said with caution as with other house elves, they had a tendency to be over emotional with such comments. He watched her for a few moments, then breathed a little sight of relief when all she did was no her head with a small smile. He nodded back in acknowledgement. "Good! Now that that is settled. Can you please tell me who is on patrol duty at the moment?"

The house elf tilted her head in a thoughtful manner, as if concentrating. After a few moments she answered him. "Aye, sir. Professor Sprout is making her rounds at the moment, and after she is done it would be Professor Sinistra who will be taking the next and last shift." Snape nodded again. Then leaned forward to steeple his hands again. 

He couldn't understand the continuing thoughts that plagued his mind this night. But his instincts told him he probably should be doing something right now. And if he has learned anything from being a spy, as well as a professor to dunderheaded idiots; it's that he should always listen to his instincts. Mind made up he looked back to the house elf.

"Alright, Hosey. Please inform Professor Sprout and Professor Sinistra that they can relax and rest and I will perform the early morning shifts. Hosey looked at Snape for a moment and nodded and disappareated, leaving Snape to his own thoughts.

Snape still sat at his desk five minutes later, thinking things through, trying to find an answer to a very riddled problem. Most nights when his mind wandered, he often thought about his past. Especially LIly. He would always remember her quirks and how well she had excelled in Potions and Charms. She was almost as good as Snape was, and that led him tostart think of the brat, Potter. Snape knew that Harry was an excellent student, though he would never admit it. But he was so infuriatingly abysmal at Potions. And now Occlumency. Snape had always wondered if Potter would have done better in his class if he had been brought up by LIly and Potter Sr. 

Snape stopped there before he became to engrossed with the past. He honestly didn't want to think about Lily or her subsequent death at the moment. He hated the feelings that had been brought to him at that grievous night. Even before...

Snape stopped mid-thought.  _'That's it!!'_ he exclaimed in his mind. He finally picked up on where he had felt these warring instincts before. The night the Potters died. He had felt that something was wrong and that maybe someone was going to get hurt. He didn't know who it was, but knew that something horrible was about to happen or already happening. He began to think of anything that might point to the place or person who was in trouble. 

After a few moments of thinking about it, he swore to himself. Irritated, he realized that no matter what train he took with his thoughts that they all ended coming back to the same person. Harry Potter. But that couldn't be right. He was safe in Hogwarts. The brat had so many guards and watchers that it was probably impossible for him to even get a paper cut without someone being there to protect him. He didn't understand it though...even though he knew this, all his lines of thinking kept going back to the brat. HE wondered who in this school, or what, could possibly be wanting to hurt him.

He paused though, as a fleeting memory of the night before. Dinner in the great hall, he noticed that the boy had been looking sincerely and greatly depressed.  _'Well of course he would be depressed. His mutt of a godfather just died. Of course he was going to be wallowing. But the boy had other relatives who would comfort the boy; and pamper him, spoiled as he is. He didn't even know the mutt that long!'_ He had also noticed that the Potter brat was sitting as far away from his friends, the know-it-all Granger and the young Mr. Weasley. He remembered thinking that it was strange that the boy wasn't being the attention seeker that Snape had thought him to be. He had just defeated the Dark Lord again, and was promoted to the Chosen One. He would have thought the boy would seek comfort from his friends after his godfather's death.  

Snape's mind continued to drift through the small memory as he made his way out of his quarters to begin the rest of Sprout's shift. His mind did take note though, that Potter did not eat much at all and just stared off into the distance of the hall.  _"Spaced out, I think is the term'_ But of all things that Snape remembered, there was one that stood out among the other details of the short memory. Potter's appearance. He looked like any other of the dunderheads around him, but to his sharp eye, something was definitely off. He had made a mental note then to speak with Gryffindor's head of house. McGonagal. 

He continued through various corridors of the first floor. When he was finished with the floor, he made his way up the stairs to the second. When he reach the top step, he stopped. Hearing the sounds of grading and shifting metal. It was a quiet sound, but because of the emptiness of the halls and the silence, it had become a loud echoing noise. Snape cocked his head to the side, listening intently. The sound seemed to be coming from somewhere mid-corridor.  _'The girl's bathroom?'_ He asked himself. He quite remembered  _that_ bathroom. It was the entrance to the damnable Chamber. He quickly increased his pace down the corridor towards said bathroom.

When he reached the door, he was surprised to find it open. As he came within a few steps of the door, the sound had completely stopped. Curious, he slowed his stride to approach slowly. He noted that the warring instincts inside him had started to go haywire for lack of a better term. He took the last couple of steps and pushed the door all the way open, and took a step in. He stopped abruptly, eyes widening at the scene.

Harry bloody Potter was at the center column of sinks, which had now simply changed to surround he big hole in front of the boy. He didn't know what the boy was up to at this time of night, but something told him that something was off. He was about to call out to the brat, but was cut short by a soft sound echoing around the bathroom.  _"A giggle?'_ he was incredulous. And before Snape even had a chance to even think about calling out to him again, he watched horrified as Potter jumped...

  **~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~**

_**A/N: Well, chapter two is down for the count! XD I hope you will let me know what you think. Thanks for stickin with me! ~Jane~** _


	3. Chapter Three

_**A/N: Hey guys, gals, its, whoever...I know it has been awhile since my last update. Please don't be angry...I have had a lot on my plate...but enough about me and my pathetic excuses, please enjoy the next chapter of Where. Hope you enjoy... ~Jane~** _

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

**~Where~**

_A Story of Finding Where You Belong_

_Previously..._

_Harry bloody Potter was at the sinks, which were now open to form an entrance into what looked like a big black hole. Snape just stared. He didn't know what the boy was up to at this time of night. Right before the he was to call out to the boy, he heard a sound._ 'A giggle _?' he thought incredulously. And before Snape even knew what had happened, he watched as Potter jumped..._

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

Snape stood shocked. He just stared. He couldn't fathom what had just happened. But as quickly as he was shocked, he shook himself to react. He rushed forward to the dark hole in the floor of the bathroom. He stopped just at the edge. He peered down. Growling a little at the fact that he could not see anything more than 3 feet into the hole. He took out his wand from his wrist holster and muttered, " _Lumos Maxima_ ," to try and see further down.

It didn't help much. He could still barely see at least 5 feet down. "Dammit!" He growled out loud. He then knew then, what he had to do. He took a deep breath, held it for five seconds, then released it. Feeling just a little bit calmer, he raised his wand and said loudly, "Aedificabo Scalam^." Lowing his wand, he watched as stairs began to build themselves down around edge of the hole. It looked more to be a spiral staircase. He sighed once again, then began to descend the stairs, keeping his wand held aloft, so his lumos would guide his way.

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

Harry felt a thrill as he slid down in the dark to the bottom. It was like the little butterflies he feels when he is doing loops and flips on his broom. A minute later and it was over.

When he reached the bottom, he stood up quickly, but his legs buckled and he ended up falling right back on his butt. He groaned as his own weakness.

"This is what I get for not eating! Damn!" He muttered scathingly to himself. He took a few moments to regain his equilibrium, then shifted to his knees, and pushed off the ground using his hands as leverage on the floor. This time, even though he felt some dizziness, he kept himself from falling over, only swaying a bit.

When the dizziness ended, he started moving forward through the chamber. He remembered the rock fall that had occurred when that idiot Lockhart had tried to obliviate Ron and himself. _'Things were so much simpler back then, trouble all the same, but much simpler_.' He thought to himself smiling, at the funny memory.

His thoughts and reminiscing were all stopped as he heard sounds from behind him in the tunnel slide. He stopped walking and listened intently to the sounds behind him. He couldn't quite make out it was, except he knew it spelled trouble for him. He quickly started hurrying forward to the circular door that was the actual entrance to Salazar's Chamber. When he reached it, he sighed in relief, to see it was still open. He didn't stop to think as to why it was open, all he knew was that he had to hurry, so he was not stopped. He couldn't be stopped, he prayed with all his might not to be caught. But just as he thought he was home free again, he heard footsteps, hurried footsteps behind him. _'Then again, since when do things go my way_?' he thought angrily to himself.

He jumped through the door and ran down the stone path just inside the door all the way up to in front of the huge face statue of Salazar Slytherin himself. He quickly went over to the enormous still preserved carcass of the basilisk that he had slain at the end of his second-year adventures. Just as he reaches the humongous mouth of the beast and had reached in and pulled a poisonous fang from the jaw, he heard a voice calling his name. A voice, he did not want to hear at that point.

"POTTER!"

_'Shit! Snape!_ '

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

**A/N: All right guys girls, it…whoever…I know this was a little short for you, but I at least just wanted to get something up for Christmas, as a present of sorts. I hope you all like it. If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask. Please RxR. ~Jane~**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!**

**_Translations:_ **

**_Aedificabo Scalam: -----Latin====  Build Staircase_ **


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hello all my lovelies. I am sooo sorry for taking so long to post this, but, I hope you like the new installment. Please let me know what you think.

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

_Previously..._

_He jumped through the door and ran down the stone path just inside the door all the way up to in front of the huge face statue of Salazar Slytherin himself. He quickly went over to the enormous still preserved carcass of the basilisk that he had slain at the end of his second-year adventures. Just as he reaches the humongous mouth of the beast and had reached in and pulled a poisonous fang from the jaw, he heard a voice calling his name. A voice, he did not want to hear at that point._

_"POTTER!"_

_'Shit! Snape!'_

_~~~~~HP~~~~~HP_ ~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

Snape stepped off the final stair and looked in stoic awe at the cavern around him. Snape couldn’t believe where he was. He had heard about it from the praising of the Potter brat from his colleagues, all throughout the end of Potter’s second year. _That damnable Chamber of Secrets._ He took a mere minute moment to look around before straightening his back and charging in the only direction available to him.

He walked briskly for a couple of moments before he came to the real entrance to the Chamber. It was big and metal but also ornately decorated. _Definitely_ _Slytherin._ He mused. He walked through the door and continued the short distance till he could find the ‘now in huge trouble’ brat. He still couldn’t forget or stop feeling those weird emotions that he had continued to have right before he started patrolling and finding Potter in the girl’s bathroom.

He continued walking. It didn’t take long until he glimpsed Potter ahead of him. He paused in brief shock, of course he saw Potter bending forward aiming to grab something, but what shocked him was what he was grabbing at. It looked to be a fang of the loathsome magical beast, a basilisk. He watched for split second before his ire turned to slight concern.

“POTTER!” He shouted out at the boy. He didn’t know what the brat was up to but he had the feeling it wasn’t going to be good.

He saw Potter flinch at his call, and shook his head in a way that Snape couldn’t tell. The boy turned his head to face him. He was slightly alarmed at the weary and defeated look in the kid’s eyes. It was slightly unnerving to see the proud golden boy of Gryffindor look like that.

“What do you think you are doing?” He exclaimed roughly, taking off again at a brisk walk. He had only taken about seven steps when he heard the boy say something.

“Don’t come over here, Snape! Go away!” the boy had all but shouted this, but at the same time, Snape swore it also sounded like a plea. Snape had never expected that tone of voice to come from Potter.

“I can’t do that!” He replied, slowing down his stride to not further alarm the child. “But please, explain to me what in Merlin’s beard are you doing down here?”

He kept walking as well as keeping a very close eye on the boy. He saw Potter shake his head again in that matter, but this time he knew what it meant. Defeat. Snape was beginning to get a little worried. He watched as the boy continued to reach into the jaws of the humungous beast and pull out a fang. _What in the world does he plan to do with that?_ Snape thought to himself humorlessly.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he heard the boy reply softly as he straightened himself up, facing him again. As he was closer now to him, Snape could see few slight signs of fatigue. Snape sighed silently to himself.

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter anymore?” He asked in a slightly urgent tone. He didn’t want to risk anything. But those feelings were going haywire right at this moment. And then he realized why.  He saw a look of finality come upon the face of his most troublesome student and a raising of an arm and fang. And he rushed forward.

_NO!!_

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

_'Shit! Snape!'_

Harry felt his heart sink at being discovered so quickly. _By Snape no less. Geez, can I ever just get a break?_ He shook his head sadly. Turned his head slightly as to peer at his most loathsome professor. What he saw surprised him a little. His professor’s expressions was one of… _was that concern?_ He wondered. He sighed and turned his head back to finish his task.

“What do you think you are doing?” He heard Snape say and flipped his head suddenly to see what said professor was doing. He became alarmed when he saw that Snape was coming towards him at a very fast pace.

“Don’t come over here! Go away!” He shouted at the man. He didn’t want anyone to stop him from fulfilling his final task at life. He couldn’t let anyone prevent him from doing this. _No, I won’t let him stop me! Never! I will end this tonight!_ He thought quickly. He wouldn’t be stopped.

“I can’t do that,” he heard Snape say in a more neutral tone. Harry continued to watch his professor as noticed that the professor had slowed down a bit. _Good, I am slowing him down. Just a few more minutes and…_ he stopped his thoughts there. Not wanting to risk jinxing himself. He shook his head at his own thoughts of wanting to succeed at killing himself. He didn’t want to live anymore. He didn’t want to do anything anymore.

“But please explain to me what in Merlin’s beard are you doing down here?” He heard Snape ask again. He didn’t want to tell him exactly what he was doing down here but he knew Snape would see here shortly. He didn’t feel like fighting anymore. With anyone. So he just shook his head a bit and turned back around to finish his self-appointed task.

He reached down and carefully avoiding the other fangs around his arm he picked the one he wanted and yanked it out. He finally had his salvation from this life in his hands. He slowly retracted his arm and straightened his back before squaring his shoulders and facing his professor again.

_It doesn’t matter anymore._

He didn’t want to drag this out. He was just going to do it. I have to do it. It will save everyone.

“What do you mean, ‘it doesn’t matter anymore?’” Snape asked quickly.

_Did I say that out loud?_  Harry thought and then he turned to just look at his professor and closed his eyes. He breathed in slightly and raised his arm, preparing to bring it down onto his own self. He had just started to bring his arm down when he heard an almighty shout of panic.

“NO!!!”

Harry didn’t care, he didn’t have time to think about anything as he was wiling his arm to go faster. He was waiting for his arm and the fang to hit his stomach when he felt something grab his wrist. He tried to struggle and get the fang to pierce his skin, but whatever had grabbed his wrist seemed like it didn’t want to let it.

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

As soon as Snape had seen the look that came upon the boy’s face he knew what had brought Harry down here this night. He rushed with all his speed to the boy and just as the fang was to pierce the child’s skin he caught the slender wrist in his own strong hand.

He felt the boy struggle hard, but weakly against him trying to bring his fatal plan to fruition. He kept the arm away from himself and away from Harry’s skin. He didn’t want to let the child hurt himself. Snape continued to keep a hold on the wrist with the poisoned fang, but reached out with his other hand to grab the opposite shoulder. When he grasped the shoulder he suddenly realized something. The boy’s wrist in his hand and the shoulder in his other felt odd. Extremely odd.

Snape looked closely at the boy and realized that boy now had ceased to struggle and just stood there with his eyes closed and a few tears trailing down his face. As he looked surprisingly at the tears he noticed that the entirety of the boy’s frame of body glimmered slightly. He quickly became alarmed. He knew what that glimmering was.

He looked back at Harry’s face. _Wait? Harry?_ Snape sighed and shook his head. He took his hand off the boy’s shoulder and gently pried the fang from the boy’s hand. As soon as the fang was in his hand alone, he flung the fang as far from them as possible. He heard the sound of a small object hitting the water a far ways from him. He continued to stare at the boy.

Suddenly, the child’s shoulders and whole body shook and his knees buckled beneath him. Snape quickly let go of the wrist and grabbed both shoulders slowly lowering the child to the cold floor beneath them. He again felt the odd sensation coming from the touch from the boy’s body. _He is too thin! But he doesn’t look…_

“Potter.” He said quietly but sternly. He watched the boy for any sign of response. He didn’t see any. So he tried again. “Pot…Harry!” He tried again this time with a different approach. This time the boy did respond. Harry opened his eyes and looked straight into his own.

Snape was absolutely alarmed at the blankness in the eyes he was looking into. He gasped quietly. He brought one hand to the side of the boy’s face to wipe a tear away. What he didn’t expect was the violent flinch and sudden movement from said boy. Good thing he still had one hand on the kid’s shoulder or he would have lost his hold on him.

“Harry!” he said urgently and a bit louder than last time. Harry looked at him again. Snape made sure he had the boy’s attention. “I need you to let the glamours fall. I need to see the real you.” He made sure to speak calmly and clearly for the now distraught teen in front of him. Harry shook his head quickly and his body shuddered again at the movement, also making him sway a little bit.

Snape didn’t think anything good could come from making the boy more agitated. So he reached both arms around Harry and embraced him in a soft hug. He felt the boy tense suddenly and squirm a little to try and break the embrace. As quickly as the struggling began, he felt Harry relax completely into his embrace. Snape sighed in relief.

“Harry, please undo the glamours?” He asked again, this time even more quietly and softly.

Harry tensed for a brief moment and then sighed, almost as if in relief when Snape felt the magic leave the teenager’s body. But what he thought was going to be a good thing, definitely turned out to be worse than he had ever feared.

**_TBC_ **

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

 

**A/N:** So my lovely dovely darlings, what did you think? Sorry if it seems to be a cliff hanger. I know I don’t really like those myself, but sometimes it brings in the anticipation that I know so many of you just enjoy. Please, please, tell me how you liked it and if you have any questions on where I am taking this or any input, please let me know, or ask away. Love all of yall, and thanks for sticking with me. ~Jane~


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Guys, Gals, it....my lovely darlings. I know you have all been waiting for this....YES! It is my new chapter. I just now finally got my internet and laptop set up...so without further ado...here is the next update. ~Jane~**

_Previously..._

_"Harry, please undo the glamours?" He asked again, this time even more quietly and softly._

_Harry tensed for a brief moment and then sighed, almost as if in relief when Snape felt the magic leave the teenager's body. But what he thought was going to be a good thing, definitely out to be worse than he had ever feared._

~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~

 

Horrified. That is what Severus Snape was at this very moment. Utterly horrified. He was completely floored by the sight that greeted him after Harry had let down his glamours. The teenager's body was gaunt and emaciated. _'Breakable,'_ Snape thought sadly. Snape gently pulled away from the too thin body and peered more closely to the boys features.

His face was sallow, his cheeks hollow and sunken. Snape swallowed thickly as he continued his perusal of the boy in front of him. The neck was almost thin enough that he could probably encircle it with one of his hands. His shoulders were pointed and sharp to the extreme. Snape shook his head again. _'What in Merlin's name has happened?'_ he thought warily.

He knew he had to do something and looking up again towards Harry's face, he realized that the boy had been watching him. He was suddenly caught up in the gaze of the young boy in front of him. Again the sight of that defeated gaze left Snape speechless. The eyes just seemed so lifeless that Snape was afraid that he might have nicked the boy with the fang during the struggle. He knew though, that was not the case. He continued to keep his gaze connected with the green eyes in front of his own face.

"Harry," he gently spoke the boy's name. Said boy blinked slowly and just stared at the potion's master. No other response. Snape didn't exactly know what to do in this situation; he was not one for comforting or coddling. He didn't know how. But he knew for the sake of the younger, he had to try. He very slowly lifted his hand towards the boy's face, and as soon as his hand was in eyeshot of the green eyes, they flew to look at the impending hand. Snape stalled for a second to let the child know that he didn't mean any harm. As soon as the green gaze left his hand and met his again he let his hand continue to it's original path. The child's face. He gently placed in on the side of Harry's face and used his thumb to wipe a few stray tears away

Harry's eyes closed then and he finally spoke.

"Why did you stop me?" he asked softly. Softly enough, that if Snape was  not right next to him he would not have heard the question. Snape stilled and took a deep breath.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked to boy. He felt the boy tense beneath him, and then relax again after a couple of moments.

Harry opened his eyes again and stared at the man who still had him in his very large arms. He searched the gaze of the man for any of the scorn or sarcasm he was sure to find there. Suprised that he didn't, he sighed wearily and lowered his gaze again.

"You hate me. I didn't think you would..." he faltered slightly and then just seemed to give up; shuddering out a breath. Snape felt the shuddered and tightened hands on the boys shoulders a bit, so that the child wouldn't fall, or try to break away.

"I don't hate you, foolish child," he spoke softly, and was startled by the sudden and fleeting look that the green gaze shot at him. Almost like a bit of hope was there. Snape knew he was doing the right thing. He then loosened his grip on the boys shoulders and then completely let go of them so he could get off his knees and sit down in front of the boy. He did not return his hands to where they were, being afraid to scare the child. "But I would like to know why you would try to kill yourself?" He made sure the child's eyes could see his so he knew he was not trying to be dour.

He noticed the small fleeting look of panic in Harry's eyes when the gaze drifted away from his to something on teh side of them. Snape followed his gaze and swore internally at the sight of the basilisk besides them.   
"Harry!" He called gently. The boy's eyes flew back to his own.

"I...I...I just don't want...I don't want to be...I mean...it's hard to explain..." Harry said faltering. Snape let the boy try to sort his feelings out and let him tell him on his own. "I...I...just wanted...to see...them again...To apologize. I don't deserve to be alive after what happened. Siri...Sirius is dead because of me, my parent's are dead because of me and Cedric is dead because of me... I know everybody thinks it is all my fault, because I know it is. And nobody wants...wants me...I don't want...to be here...anymore...I don't wnat to be the Boy-Who-Lived, or the Chosen One anymore. I never did. I don't want to....I just have had enough of this life. I don't care anymore!"

Snape sat stunned. _'How could this boy, this child be feeling like this? What has happened to the Gryffindor Golden Boy, unless he was never there in the first place.'_ Snape shoud have seen it. He knew there was something off about the boy since after the Department of Mysteries incident, actually, evne before that. He just didn't want to see past his own hatred for Potter Sr. And that right there made Snape pause. He sighed. He was such an idiot!

"Harry," Snape replied. but when the boy did not return his gaze to his own, he called again a little more loudly. "Harry!" Slowly the boy's gaze sought out his and focused on him. "First of all, what happened with your godfather was _NOT_ your fault. Black knew the risks, and he chose to forsake his safety for your wellbeing, you did not ask him to, infact, you did the same for him. Would you want him to blame himself if your roles were reversed?"

"NO!" the boy all but shouted. "I would never blame Sirius for something like that! Never!" The boy shook his head adamantly.

"Neither would he blame you for this." He spoke softly. "Sirius Black's death was _not_ your fault."

The boy's eyes widened. Tears gathered, but to Snapes astonishment, they did not fall. The boys face was a picture of horror, and that suprised Snape. Again the boy shook his head.

"Yes, it is! Everyone thinks so!" Harry declared forcefully. "Nobody ever says it, but they do believe it. Ron and Hermione always look at me with shame and blame anytime they don't think I am looking. Dumbledore says he doesn't, but then again he would. He just doesn't want me to do something stupid, like I just tried. He needs me to be his pawn. _His power play._ "

Snape felt thoroughly bewildered. "What do you mean Dumbledore needs you to be his pawn, or his power play as you call it?" He asked exasperated, trying to with all his might to keep the anger from his voice. He knew the child probably only felt like this because of the guilt. But what he didn't expect was the child's answer.

"I know about the prophecy, sir."

Again, Snape was stunned.

**_TBC_ **

~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~HP~~~~~

 

**_A/N: So there you go, my next chapter. I tried to take a different approach on how I was writing. Some advice was to not repeat scenes and do them all at once. Please tell me what you think. I would like to know. And and all critisism is welcome. Good or bad. Not that any of it would be bad, but still. Again, I do apologize for my tardiness and am thankful that all of you have stuck with me so far. If you have any questions to where this story might be headed please drop of review and ask away, I will start posting answers to these questions on each chapter, so feel free to ask or suggest away. Love all of you my lovelies. ~Jane~_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Hello again all my lovelies…I know it has been longer than a week, but I wanted to post this just in time for Christmas, for a present of sorts. I hope you enjoy the new installment. Please let me know what you think._ **

**~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~**

_Previously…._

_“Nobody ever says it, but they do believe it. Ron and Hermione always look at me with shame and blame anytime they don’t think I am looking. Dumbledore says he doesn’t, but then again, he would. He just doesn’t want me to do something stupid, like I just tried. He needs me to be his pawn. **His power play.”**_

_Snape felt thoroughly bewildered. “What do you mean Dumbledore needs you to be his pawn, or power ploy as you call it?” He asked exasperated, trying to with all his might to keep the anger from his voice. He knew the child probably only felt like this because of the guilt. But what he didn’t expect was the child’s answer._

_“I know about the prophecy, sir.”_

_Again, Snape was stunned..._

**Chapter Six**

Snape was shocked to the say the least. _‘How?’_ was all he could think. He didn’t know what to say to the boy. Though, after the initial shock wore off, did the anger come. It hit him like a bolt out of the blue. _‘Albus!’_ he seethed. He knew it was the barmy old coot that told the child.

“Did Headmaster Dumbledore tell you this prophecy?” Snape asked, just to be sure that he did not assume inaccurately. He waited for the teen’s response, and was rewarded with a slight nod. Snape hmphed harshly. Only regretting his little noise when the boy flinched. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“I kind of knew, sir, I mean about the prophecy. Not exactly what it contained, just that there was a prophecy.” Harry explained. “I kept seeing the door to the Department of Mysteries in my visions…and when I saw the vision of Si…Siri…um…my godfather being tortured, it was because he wouldn’t get the prophecy for him….Why, sir, why didn’t he just get him the prophecy?” Harry didn’t realize that he had a few tears falling down his cheeks. Severus did see them, however.

“Harry…” He paused so he could figure the right words to say. He might as well just tell the truth. “A prophecy can only be taken by those who it was meant for.” Snape stopped when he felt a shudder go through the child in front of him.

“Besides,” he heard Harry whisper. “This vision wasn’t real! How stupid of me to fall for such a…a…stupid trick.”

Harry took a deep breath to calm himself. He was barely holding on to his emotions. He was almost being consumed with hatred for his enemy, as well as himself. Especially for himself.

“I should have just…” Harry stopped himself. He didn’t know what to say exactly. He didn’t know what he should have done. All he knew is that: it was over, and it was all his fault.

“Harry,” Snape started, but was interrupted by a sob. He looked at the child in front of him. The child had taken to wrapping his arms around his midsection and curling into himself. _‘A defense mechanism.’_

“I should have just let him possess me!” He uttered most likely to himself, but Snape had heard him, and was startled by the depth of conviction in his voice.

“What do you mean, you should have let him possess you?” Snape asked startled. He had heard that the Dark Lord had indeed tried to posses the young man, but that he couldn’t hold on to the possession. But what could Harry have meant by that statement. “Of course, you shouldn’t have let him posses you!” He held is tone calming but stern.

“YES! I SHOULD HAVE!” Harry screamed hysterically, sobs coming endlessly now. “He would have killed me, if I had! I just…I don’t want to be _here_ anymore!” Snape’s heart stopped. This boy truly wanted to die. _‘But why?’_ Snape couldn’t understand.

“WHY?” Snape said loudly back, trying to startle the teen into focusing on him. It worked. Although still sobbing, quite hysterically, the boy’s eyes flashed for a second and focused on his own.

“I already told you,” Harry said dully. “Everything is my fault! Everyone just…just uses me, they all do, and I hate them, I hate everyone! And most of all, I hate my….” He stopped himself. He didn’t mean to reveal that much. He just let out a howling sob and began to shake quite violently with his sobs.

_‘Well,’_ thought Snape, _‘This is new!’_ He felt sympathy for the child in front of him. He didn’t even realize what he was doing, he pulled the child into his arms and wrapped his arms around the thin frame. He felt the teen tense underneath him, but relaxed quite suddenly, as if all the fight had finally just left him. Harry’s breathing was coming in short breaths and Snape knew he had to calm him down.

“Harry,” he called softly, one of his hands starting to rub soothing circles on the boy’s lower back. “I need you to try and calm down. It is okay to cry, but please try to slow your breathing down. You can’t really afford to pass out from hyperventilating with your body as weak as it is right now!”

He continued to rub his back, while speaking softly into the child’s ear. Eventually, the child’s breathing became quieter and slower, evening out. Snape continued his ministrations until he was sure the boy was calm.

“Harry?” He called the boy softly. No response. He suddenly panicked and looked down to the boy in his arms. What he was afraid of, he couldn’t exactly identify, but as he took in the sight in his arms, he blew out a sight of relief. Harry had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

**_TBC_ **

_~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~HP~~~_

**_A/N: Well, there you go…not necessarily a cliff hanger this time around. I do apologize, it was much shorter than I had planned, but I did want to get one out no matter what… Next installment will be much longer…I PROMISE!!!  Please let me know what you think. Have A Happy Fathers’ Day!. ~Jane~_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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